My girlfriend and I love the same man

What you need to know:

  • This week we advise a woman who is torn between a lover and a friend.

I'm 22 and I have been single for two years now. In January l met a guy through my friend, we became friends and I am falling in love with him. I think he also has a crush on me reading from his actions and the way he treats me. He often buys me gifts and engages me in long night phone calls. He is yet to admit his feelings though.

The issue is that my friend is in love with him too, she tells me she wishes the guy would approach her and admits she is jealous that he gives me attention. I don't know what to do because l also love the guy and l think the guy will propose to me soon and l can't let him down because l love him. At the same time, l love my friend so much. She's been a blessing to me. I am having to hide a lot about my dealings with the guy from her. I am really confused. I can't bear to lose any of them. Please advise before it gets worse.



The way the guy treats you and act towards you may not necessarily mean he has a crush on you. You may just be leaving in fantasy! It may turn out that his feelings towards you are not sexual as you think. The plain truth is that it is difficult to maintain your friend and win your best friend's guy for a lover! You may not hide your underground dealings for long, it is difficult to suppress emotions for the one you love. I think you need to choose what is right, that's if at all your friend has been a blessing to you as you said. Leave this guy for her lest you lose both.

Rev. Avudiko Geoffrey, Botwa, Kitale

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This is a case of two ladies in love with one guy who seems undecided or is a player. Until when will he keep you guessing? Be strong and find out what he wants. If he chooses you, find a way to talk to your friend and make her understand. If he doesn't, accept and move on with your life. Don't allow this to cause a rift between you and your girlfriend.

John Wambugu via email.

Does your friend know he is your lover? And most important does the man know she loves him? If the answer is yes what's his reaction?

If the man knows that you both are in love, then you have a player, men love attention and will take advantage of both of you. Why has he not expressed his feelings to you? Finally, sit down with your girlfriend, tell her the truth, if she is your true friend she will let go.



It would be easier to tell you to follow your heart and reveal your feelings to him but there is a dynamic that may be at play and you cannot ignore it. Consider this, you both have feelings for him but those are your feelings, not his. Granted he likes or loves both of you in his way. However, despite him paying more attention to you it will be up to him to reveal his true feelings and both you and your girlfriend need to be ready for whatever he decides. You may share your feelings towards him and kill your current connection because there will be no mystery left. All those long night calls are probably driven by the freedom you currently have and by him not feeling obligated to you. Right now he purely enjoys being in your space, do your best to maintain that bond. Until he says something trying to own him or trying to make your relationship official could extinguish his interest. About your friendship. Well, true friends stick together no matter what, so you should not put each other in a situation where you have to choose love over friendship.